I’ve always thought of myself as a conservative. Listening to the issues as expounded upon by liberals, I find that I may actually be a liberal. Lets look at the issues.
I believe in a woman’s right to choose. I guess that makes me pro-choice. She has a lot of choices. Mostly, she has the right to choose NOT to have sex if she doesn’t want to get pregnant. And maybe she should choose to get married BEFORE sex, too (and that also goes for the guy). If she makes that choice, then most abortions would indeed go away. Speaking of pro-choice, I also believe that it should be your choice as whether to take the COVID vaccine or not. My body, my choice, right? Get the government out of my medical decisions.
I believe in open borders. If you don’t like it here in this country, our border should be open for you to leave, any time you so desire. Good luck in finding some other country that would want you, but you should be free to leave. I hear there is lots of room in Venezuela in the prisons, or in the streets of Haiti.
I believe in free college education. Just spend the required time in the US Armed Forces, and your college will be paid by the VA under the Montgomery and Post 9-11 GI Bills. And if you can get your college loan forgiven hows about my car loan too? You had to have your education and I gotta have my car.
I believe in free health care. You have the right to take care of your own health. Eat right, exercise regularly, watch your weight. And brush and floss. Can’t afford healthcare? Try paying for it plus a government bureaucracy to administer it.
I believe in climate change. Summer, winter, spring, fall. Lets warm things up. Do you know how many people experience frostbite every year? More people die from cold than from heat. Bring on climate change.
I believe in gun control. You should always have your gun under control. Frequent target practice will help. Try dry firing, ammo is expensive.
I believe in equity. Get a job, go to school, make good grades, work hard and raise your standard of living.
I believe you should be allowed to choose your sex. Look carefully between your legs, see what is or isn’t there. Maybe someday I can choose my race too.
I’m very “woke”. I woke up this morning, so I went to work. You should woke up too. And go to work.
I’m not a racist. I just call everybody else a racist, which proves that I’m not one.
I believe in critical race theory. As a matter of fact, I am very critical of this race theory nonsense. Mostly I believe in the human race. Well, sometimes maybe I don’t.
I believe in cancel culture. Somebody, please cancel this culture. It is just plain evil, degenerate, and disgusting.
I believe I want to buy an electric car. It will help save the planet. That’s because I won’t be able to recharge it due to rolling blackouts. Then I’ll have to walk, and that’s healthy. (See free medical care above). Or ride a bicycle, that’s healthy too (if I can find tires for it).
I believe in diversity. As long as everybody agrees with me. Otherwise you’re a bigot. Especially if you are a white male, that automatically makes you a white supremacist (which is automatically bad you disgusting fascist bigot-see freedom of speech below).
I believe in freedom of speech. Unless you are spreading misinformation. Then your information should be stifled. Oh, misinformation is whatever I say it is. Unless you are spreading disinformation on MSNBC, CNN, the New York Times or Washington Post. Then if you have disinformation on your front page today, you can retract it next week on a three sentence retraction on page 38. Especially that conspiracy theory stuff. Like Hunter Biden’s laptop and Russian disinformation.
I believe in taxing the rich to pay for all of this liberal stuff. The rich is anybody who makes more money than I do. Hand it over, rich guy.
I want to thank all of you liberals for accepting me with with warm open arms. Maybe someday you can accept me with an open mind, if you can get past your cognitive dissonance. (Those of you who still have a mind left).
Lost in the Fog 